


Until There Was You

by flecksofpoppy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Backstory, Canon Compliant, M/M, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7912402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flecksofpoppy/pseuds/flecksofpoppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Has no one ever been kind to you?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until There Was You

“Has no one ever been kind to you?”

It’s a statement made out of uncharacteristic anger over something silly—unfiled paperwork, something that Levi sees as a crack in his now-superior’s disposition.

“Not until you,” Levi replies, his voice dry and acrid. The sarcasm is not lost on Erwin, and he falters.

“I didn’t mean—”

“What a rare quality,” Levin interjects, rising from where he’s been sitting in the chair he’s decided to occupy when in Erwin’s office, “indecision.”

Erwin nods, acknowledging the newfound official designation between them and his mistake.

Levi hums, standing and turning to leave, unimpressed; he’s not stopped, and he shuts the door soundly behind him.

The answer to the original question at hand is no; it is an answer that Levi is never willing to give.

Even after that, when they talk of personal things, Erwin never asks the question again.

* * *

Erwin enjoys women—this much is obvious with the amount of courtesans that come to the barracks—and Levi simply watches the parade as a vigilant Captain would. Generally, the women come once a week; maybe an arrangement made in advance.

As long as they’re reputable and clear in their intentions, though, Levi pays them no mind. He watches, but never interferes unless necessary.

“The Commander is always fucking around,” says a soldier one day, a recent cadet, trying to sound big because he failed out of the Military Police and ended up in the Survey Corps. When the same soldier realizes Levi is standing nearby, he pales, stammering. “I’m sorry, Captain, I didn’t…”

“Don’t say things you aren’t prepared to defend,” Levi retorts, narrowing his eyes at the offending soldier.

The kid looks as if he’s expecting to be beaten or instructed to run laps; Levi knows there’s a much worse fate in store for him if he’s as incompetent as he seems.

Nonetheless, Levi tells Erwin frankly that his soldiers think he spends too much time with prostitutes.

“What do you think?” Erwin asks Levi unexpectedly after this information is conveyed.

Levi snorts, standing up straighter, and meeting Erwin’s eyes. “I think you should find better recruits.”

“You don’t think I should cease enjoying the company of courtesans?”

Levi hates the word “courtesan.”

“No,” he replies tonelessly, “that isn’t the problem.”

Erwin does anyway, and does not receive anyone into his private quarters except Levi and Mike for reports.

As Levi expects, the rumors don’t die at all—they probably existed before Erwin ever entertained a prostitute—and he rebukes the moronic new recruits when they talk out of their asses.

* * *

Levi is not expecting the way Erwin kisses—it’s strangely conflicted, reserved yet raw, hesitant yet eager. 

Levi shoves him away with a curse.

“I didn’t join to fuck you,” he spits, feeling as raw as he did when they first met, Erwin flying down with wings made of green and staring blue eyes.

Erwin has always been strangely bewitching, very much like the type of allure all prostitutes tried to cultivate to attract better customers. He’s good at it, but Levi knows this routine.

“I didn’t seek you out for that type of company,” Erwin had responded.

The kiss happens in the breezeway three months after Isabel and Farlan died—to be more precise, 98 days, since Levi keeps count—and everything is different.

“Then why did you seek me out?” he hisses, pulling away and scowling.

“You’re an Ackerman,” Erwin replies placidly, staring down at Levi intently, “and you’re innately skilled at fighting.”

Levi just hisses at him, turning away and cursing under his breath; but then they stand there for what seems like hours, Levi leaning against the wall as Erwin stares at his back.

“If you didn’t seek me out for company,” Levi finally grunts, straightening but still unwilling to look at Erwin, “then stop bothering me now.”

Erwin gets close, but not enough to touch. “I…”

Levi is intrigued since the tone is indecisive, very much not Erwin, and he waits.

“I would still like your company,” Erwin finally says softly.

Levi does not feel kind, remembering what it was like to fight off Erwin with a pocket knife against two ODM blades. “Under your desk?” he retorts.

“You know that’s not what I mean.” Erwin’s voice is infuriatingly calm.

“Do I?” 

“Yes,” Erwin says softly. "Simply by my side.”

They don’t kiss again for two years, but when they do, it’s because Levi is the one who bends forward.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” Erwin says, hands trembling on Levi’s shoulders as tea spills between them. He’s strangely needy, and Levi realizes quickly that Erwin Smith never looks this way with anyone else.

Levi has been waiting, too.

* * *

Levi is not used to people gasping his name during sex the way Erwin does into his neck, thrusting into him hard, the way he likes it.

“Levi,” Erwin breathes, kissing at Levi’s neck as he fucks him, “you feel so good.”

Levi wants to ask if that’s what Erwin tells all his companions, if he really means how sex is wonderful for the person paying for it, if he’s better than a woman.

But what truly frightens Levi is the simple fact that he believes Erwin—both on the battlefield and in bed—all of it. He feels good, this is all for the benefit of humanity, everything is worth the cost of death and dignity.

And so he clings and murmurs, “Yes.”

And Erwin murmurs sweet nothings that hold more weight than any other promise Levi has ever heard, and they move together, as they always will.

Levi has known kindness just as much as he has known bird wings, the sky, daylight—a vague glimmer of a dream not worth pondering.

* * *

“Levi,” Erwin’s voice is warm as he smiles in the morning light, his remaining arm holding a steaming teacup, “would you like one?”

He knows the answer is yes, and Levi sits up sleepily in bed. 

“You’re up,” he replies tonelessly. “How are you feeling?”

Erwin’s eye is still twisted and purple, and the marks on his ribs can be seen from where he was kicked and beaten. But that blue keen gaze is still present, intense as ever.

“Alive.”

Levi lets his mouth twitch, and he shakes his head; he doesn’t share the fact that he’s slept in Erwin’s empty bed every night since his absence.

He accepts the tea, and to his surprise, Erwin lies back down in bed next to him.

They lie there for a long time, both sipping tea until it gets cold, and Levi finally pulls the sheets up over both of them; Erwin doesn’t say anything, simply pushes his face into Levi’s hair.

“Kindness is a silly word.”

“Yes, it is,” Erwin sighs, stroking Levi’s bare back gently with his remaining hand, over and over, as if memorizing the grooves of his spine. “Such a fluid term.”

Levi snorts, presses a kiss to Erwin’s jaw, and shakes his head.

This man in bed, missing an arm and a shave, beaten and bloodied and humiliated, is the same hunter who found him in the underground—proud and passionate—and Levi presses another kiss to Erwin’s jaw.

“I didn’t know anything,” Erwin murmurs in a half-sleep, “until you.”

It’s a sweet nothing, but Levi believes it as their hands clasp.

**Author's Note:**

> Fell smack face first into eruri. I have been listening to the ACWNR music for like two hours. I cannot be held accountable for my actions.
> 
> I have a [tumblr](http://flecksofpoppy.tumblr.com/). :D


End file.
